I'm baaaaaack!
Okay so...where did we leave off? Oh, not sure? Good. Me neither. Doesn't matter.
Today I found myself at a loss of reasons as to why I'm still unemployed. Yes, lost my job in June due to lay offs and thought I would land something soon. Not three plus months later, but soon. Not happening.
So obviously I've had this pretty major setback, and you'd think I'd take it real bad. Which I did, eventually. At first, it felt just like a blur, one I somewhat expected and one I even predicted (and turned out to be right. Which makes me think I should just be a psychic, but that's another matter saved for another day and another post). But I thought I would have a worse and more intense reaction to getting laid off. Turns out I didn't, and I handled it better than my family, boyfriend, friends, co-workers, and even boss thought I would. Props to me!
Moral of this story though...I was fine at first, somehow got my life in order (at least relatively speaking and as much as I humanly and legally could) and I was good for a while. Enjoyed it even. Hell, it was summer and I had a couple of teacher friends on break and was going to the pool and beach and getting tanned all for free on unemployment! Sweet! (I was hardcore looking for jobs though before you report me to the IRS...if you check my Gmail, you will see over 50 job applications sent within the first week, so yes I was being productive).
Then I hit a wall...proverbial of course, but it might as well have been a real concrete one. Solid steel beams built in with concrete. That bad. Injuries sustained to the ego, tear marks streaming down my face, I had lost it. Completely and utterly lost my cool.
Nothing had panned out for a while, and even though I was getting interviews and everything, nothing stuck. I was feeling pretty crappy, as I'm sure anyone else in my position would be feeling.
Summer went by, (Fast!), and suddenly I found myself alone and still without any solid offers. Sure, I had one or two come my way but getting double their proposed salary in unemployment benefits...yeah, sorry buddy, I'm going to stick it out a while longer. Thanks but no thanks.
Now I find myself berating myself, doubting myself, running out of free friends and time and medical benefits, the whole shebang. Nothing is going my way!
This is crazy and very unnerving because for the first time in my life that I can really remember, I am without work and it is not my fault. Things are not in my control and I'm doing everything I can but I still am getting nowhere.
This. is. driving. me. NUTS!!!!!!!!!
Depression settles in like an unwelcome guest, and I find myself going stir crazy but not wanting to vent at ever walking pedestrian for fear they might catch my temporary insane boredom disease. I feel like a leper without the obvious physical signs but with all the emotion signs to lead them to believe I had in fact been bit. By the boredom-going-out-of-my-mind-with-crazy-freetime-I'm-going-to-kill-someone bug. Not super contagious, thank goodness.
Suggestions as to what to do? Because I'm all out.
All I can think is that God is perhaps finally giving me time to (for once, or at least for once in a very long time) think about my needs, my concerns, my problems, myself. Is that so crazy? God is teaching me a very important lesson I probably never truly grasped - PATIENCE. Be patient, and things will work out the way they were meant to. God never gives you something you can't handle, so maybe this is my chance to figure out some time to work on myself and learn the art and virtue of PATIENCE.
Not something I'm great at or even remotely come close to comprehending, but hey, considering I have nothing else to do, I'll give it a shot. :)
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